Hey girl, have you ever heard any of the sayings below?:
- Friendships can be weird. You pick a human you’ve met, and you’re like, “yup, I like this one,” and hang out with them.
- The one who doesn’t tell you what you want to hear but tells you what you need to hear. Keep that person around.
- Some people come into your life for a season, and some come for a lifetime. Never mix seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.
Introduction
Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.”(NLT)1. At some point in your life, there comes a time when you are sick of nonsense, gossip, drama, and the lack of peace. I believe that we will all come to a place in our lives when we want to be surrounded by like-minded people. When we engage in conversations with people who want to lift us up and not bring us down we continuously elevate in many aspects of our life. Why? Because it gives us a reason to try again when we mess up. Girl, you have a voice, speak up and say something. But, use it wisely because death and life are in the power of the tongue: And they that love it shall eat the fruity”. (KJV)2
“There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother”-(NLT)3
Remembering The Past
In all transparency, I was the type of person who felt like I could not speak up for myself and tell the truth because I did not want to hurt anybody’s feelings. I am sure you have been there at some point in your life, or is it just me? Let’s be real, somebody has to be honest and tell the truth. I believe that is important to confront a friend about their actions or choice of words that may be affecting you or another individual emotionally or mentally. It may hurt you when someone is sharing the truth with you, but most of the time it is not intentional. It is meant to share the truth out of love. And girl, let me tell you, the truth will free you (and your friend)! But unfortunately, everyone does not want to be freed. We live in a world where people are so quick to get offended, have an attitude, and find any reason to excuse their immature behavior. That right there should tell you that you may need to have a conversation with that friend and figure out if the friendship will continue.
During my mid 20’s, I was friends with a young lady around the same age as me. For confidential purposes, I will call this friend Jackie. Jackie and I used to hang out every other weekend, and I considered her a great friend. Just like any other person, she had moments where I knew she was in the wrong, and she disagreed. I have always respected Jackie for her difference of opinion because I was not living her life. However, I remember when it was her birthday, and she was upset that one of our friends did not say happy birthday to her. I felt it was ridiculous because she had an unrealistic expectation that all her friends would remember her birthday. In retaliation, She deleted the friend from Facebook. I did not think it was a big deal, but she refused to hear what I had to say because, in her mind, the friendship was over.
Jackie and I used to go to the club every now and then. For her, clubbing is a lifestyle that she wanted to live. Sadly at the time, I did too. Today that is not the environment I want to surround myself in. I believe we should walk like Christ everywhere we go. Back then, I was backsliding from Christ and was trying to” fit in” (it is not worth your time nor energy, TRUST ME). At that time, I felt lost in my walk in Christ and had the “you only live once” mentality.
Unfortunately, some people will not be the best influences in your life, and sometimes we do not notice the signs immediately. I think a friend is not a friend when they have an unrealistic expectation for you to do something for them because they feel you should return the favor. That is unfair and unrealistic.
We all go through our ups and downs, and I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “we live, and we learn.” Sometimes we legitimately make mistakes because we do not know. Other times, I believe we consciously know right from wrong but make dumb decisions. Why is that? Is it our subconscious tendencies to people, please? Are we afraid that “friends” will not like us anymore? If your friend starts to dislike you, does it matter? Or are we lacking the confidence to say no without explaining ‘why’ (which is okay to do, by the way)? What do you think?
-Steve Maraboli
Let Go & Let God
Looking back to my childhood, one thing that came easily to me was making friends. But letting friends go was always a struggle for me. I remember I had a friend name Hazel from elementary school. Unfortunately, Hazel had to move away due to an unhealthy environment at home. Even though we only hung out during recess, back then it was clear to me that it was going to be hard for me to adapt to her not being present in the classroom or the playground. Our friendship was sacred because we both shared a dream about living a successful life. We dreamed of owning our own business, living in our dream homes, and giving back to the community.
Even in my adulthood, I still struggle with this. But I have grown over the years. Remember Jackie; I had to let her go. I knew that I was growing closer to Christ, and I desired to have friends living a similar lifestyle. Although I am not saying that I am putting a wall up for those who are not believers, it does help to have a community of believers who are consistently dying to themselves (spiritually). Those who are dying to self are constantly blooming into a better self. Dying to self refers to repenting. Repenting can look like turning away from bad habits and consciously making better decisions. Side Note-NONE OF US ARE PERFECT, and we all make mistakes. We live and grow every day.
I have plenty of friends who are not believers, and I love them dearly. But she and I were growing apart in other ways. Think of it like this; There is a straight path and a crooked path. I thought I was going down the straight path while trying to build a better me. I felt that Jackie was repeating patterns that I’ve grown from that were no longer amusing to me
“Sometimes the people you wanted as part of your story are meant be a chapter.”
It is essential to be mindful of who you surround yourself with, including your circle of friends. Take a deeper look at those who you consider close friends. Someone who is a positive influencer who will evolve as you are building your stepping stone to success. I encourage you to ponder on the following questions as you think about your group of friends:
1. Are they building you up or are they bringing you down?
2. Are they telling you what you want to hear? Or are they telling you what you need to hear?
3. When something amazing happens to you, do they celebrate with you, or do they downplay it?
4. Are they like-minded people or are they blocking you from your God-given purpose?
Imagine A Future-Self
One of my favorite pastors I follow on social media is Mike Todd from Transformation Church. He often shares that he is an imperfect man progressing towards a better self. I agree with him, and I will replace the word ‘man’ with ‘woman’ and I strive to do that every day. I am progressing towards a better version of who God wants me to be every day, and below are questions I ask myself as I evolve into a better me. I encourage you to think about who you used to be and be proud of who you are today.
- Who do I desire to be in the future?
- What goals do I want to accomplish?
- What actions can I take now?
- What YouTube videos can I watch?
- What books can I read?
- What podcasts can I listen to encourage myself to go for it!?
- What will motivate me to go to the next level?
Okay, now that you have taken some time for your future self; I encourage you to use the same questions to think about the special friends you want to surround yourself with. Answer the following questions below:
- Is there room to grow in this friendship?
- Is this friendship moving in a positive direction as I am evolving?
- Do I need to have a transparent conversation with my friend?
Conclusion: Friends, we all have them. Some friends in our lives are here to stay while other friends are destined to go. Feel free to click the content link to share your story with me if you have ever been through a similar situation as me.
“I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron.” (NIV) 5
** For Easy Access, I have created a document for you to utilize to help you think about who desire to be moving forward. Check it out here!**
That is all for now,
🤎DeShala🤎